English Translation of the first part of the album "Czas obietnicy-Macierzyństwo magiczne".
I’m the Mother…
I was a mother in the past I came from… I am a mother here and now… I will be a mother wherever I go following the sun path by day and the night route basking in the moonlight…
My Heart…
Forever loving, forgiving with no end,
for the Child beating with the strength of Super Nova blast.
The Mother loves with the rebirth power of the universe…
After all… nevertheless…till the last breath…
And like the millions of stars she illuminates paths of fate
overflowing the life’s space like the Milky Way.
My Child – Little Shiner
My child has been born in sunshine
arriving with the cry of joy
lusty cry announcing
“I am here to belong.”
Blessed be My Little One -
Mommy’s love let be your guide
in enjoyment of your life on our Earth.
The Time of Promise…
I invite you into the world of woman’s mystery. When I decided to have a child, it was the most beautiful and joyous moment…suspended in time…in which my heart began to walk around the outside of my body.
Providence sends children to us, so that our hearts could learn to love truly…so we could become less selfish, for our souls to reach higher levels in self-development so we could experience again what we have lost in adulthood – joy, cuddliness, smile, freshness and robust spontaneity, which are the attributes of worry-free childhood.
* * *
Part 1
„Waiting for The Birth – Communication with The Unborn Child”
Carrying a child under your heart for nine months is a wonderful experience, although with the negative attitude it could be a chain of worries, but not for the woman, who has been waiting to become a mother for over twenty years.
It isn’t so unbelievable to state that the rebirthing soul chooses, in the next reincarnation period, the parents and life in the environment that will provide new experiences and challenges to its self-development. I haven’t been ready to receive my child for two decades, although physically it has been possible. Only, when I heard from a very wise woman that my child came to me and went away three times already, but the fourth time it will stay… I started pondering over the changes in my life to make a room for my child’s coming. I have decided that only the radical moves and growth of my self-consciousness will help me to prepare myself spiritually for being a mother to the child, who, from unknown to me reasons, is waiting for his opportune moment of coming to exist into physical being once again.
Throwing away everything that was safe, checked twice over and with all that safety deeply toxic to my psychic, was not easy. Taking the first step onto the philosophical path of Wicca, was for me like the breath of fresh air, a turning point where everything became possible. It was time of hard self-development work, learning to love myself and accept the “whole me” with all my weaknesses and strengths, accepting the fact, that all changes begin within self and not in others and out there somewhere. I freed myself from the circle of victim. I learned to listen to my own intuition in making decisions and attuned my life more to the rhythm of Nature. I started using my free will and listening deeply to my own needs. It allowed me to free myself from the expectations of other people, religious dogmas, and these social behaviors that are not the best to take example of. I learned to say “No”, understood manipulation techniques, especially the one making you feel guilty by the closest people in your life and employed techniques of psychic defense. It helped me to start the life changes leading to deep understanding of self and further cultivation of my own unique personality in a way that is free of dogmas and social expectation. “Do what you will, harm none.”
Yes… I think, my unborn child had waited just for these changes. Deep spiritual cleansing, walking away from toxic relationship, physical cleansing of the body that opened energy chakras and channels and the most important, self-tuning to the inner voice of my heart’s need. The woman should learn to listen to the signals flowing from her own body and soul to be happy and fulfilled. If she stays a puppet in the hands of others or struggle in the web called by me “Because that’s The Way It Is”, it will not lead her anyplace good. We always have choice and free will that Higher Being gave us as the tools to manage our own life.
In the light of these thoughts, we walk in the atmosphere of diary reminiscences from the period of woman’s readiness to carry new life under her heart… loving heart waiting for a change, ready for welcoming an unique Soul that carries Light and Love… ready for Hope…
From The Diary Pages…
March 19th, 2003, Wednesday
My Dear One,
You are not here yet, but today was your father’s Birthday and tonight’s cosmic energy was such that it brought the moment of your conception. I could feel it… this moment of joy… I believe that your soul chose to come to me in that fracture of time. My Love Child… I have started the journey into the magic of motherhood…
April 7th, 2003, Monday
I have this unstoppable feeling that I carry you in me. I hope that my intuition is not deceiving me. I have waited so long for you…
April 16th, 2003, Wednesday
You are on your way. Today I took the pregnancy test and it confirmed positively what I have known and felt with every fiber of my body for several weeks. WELCOME I have awaited you for years… I am so happy I’ll go nuts! I ask myself constantly if it’s not a dream. I ‘LL NEVER BE ALONE AGAIN… I LOVE YOU MY LITTLE ONE…
May 10th, 2003, Saturday
Hi Baby,
Your first ultrasound. Well, I had to see how you fixed yourself in my womb. Nice apartment you have got…hmm… cozy… I looked at you and heard your little heartbeat. Do you know how big are you? You are 2,23 cm long and 8.6 weeks old. You are no bigger than a Lima Bean.
If you are a boy, and I have a premonition that it is so, your name will be Ziemowit. In Polish language translation it means “He who greets the Earth”. It is an old pagan Slavic name and I always wanted to give this special name to my son.
June 3rd, 2003, Tuesday
Hello My Dear One,
Today, I have seen you again! You are 10 centimeters long and you have your toes and fingers formed. You have been moving your arms and legs. Your heartbeat was strong and steady. I have your picture and a video tape. I cannot believe…You are so tiny yet so perfectly human, like a Flower Fairy. If you are a girl, I believe I have a name for you. It came to me few days ago… Willow… after a Tree of Wisdom.
July 15th, 2003, Tuesday
Hi Baby!
It is so nice to feel you through the skin of my belly. I hope you feel my gentle touch too, and hear my voice when I sing you lullabies…
Today it was your 18-19 week check up again. I love to see you on the monitor. I feel such tenderness and unbearable feeling of longing for you. You are so big - 16-18 cm long. You have sucked your thumb and oh boy, you have been active. I have seen your whole body, your brain, spine, beautifully formed face, long limbs and what appeared to be your boyish part of anatomy. I have got a proof that my intuition and energy work with my pendulum are unmistakably accurate. It’s a witch way.
My Son… Sunshine… I love you !
July 25th, 2003, Friday
Tonight I felt you moving inside me – you have been kicking so vigorously – for the first time strong enough for me to feel it. My belly is getting bigger every day to accommodate your growing body. I cried from joy when I felt your little kicks against the left side of my belly. I have to share good news with all our friends. My Sweet Sugar Plum.
July 26th, 2003, Saturday
Hi Sweetheart ! Your Father and I went to Aberfoyle‘s Antique Market. We picked up a very special early 1800 dresser, handmade by the French Canadian Pioneers. It will make a great cupboard for your clothes. We will have to restore it to its full beauty and functionality. I love you and wait for your birth. Mommy.
August 6th, 2003, Wednesday
Ah Baby, I had your monthly check-up with our midwife. You are now 22 weeks old. I listened to your heart at 150 rate and felt your movements. I am three and a half months away from the delivery. Wow! You are doing pretty special moves in my belly – like flips and flops and butterfly tickles. I love it! You stretch and kick frequently lately, letting me know that you are well and active. Hugs and kisses my Pumpkin.
August 7th,2003, Thursday
Today, I visited Wicca shop down at the Queen Street East. The Warlock there told me that I shine in the lower part of my belly - it is usually the sign that a woman carries a girl. He said that even if you are a boy you will have a gentle soul. My friend Donna, the Wiccan Priestess, agreed to do the 3rd trimester Belly Blessing Ceremony for you and I, so that our health and your birth are safe from all bad interferences. I love you
August 8th, 2003, Friday
This afternoon I have got your stroller, car seat, snuggly, bathtub and lots of baby clothes for you from the very loving family. Slowly, I’m getting ready for your coming, Little Sunbeam. Mommy
August 9th, 2003, Saturday
Hi Sweetums,
Renaissance Festival in Milton. I went there today with my good friends- in fact with Marion, who agreed to be my Doula. She takes care of me together with the midwives throughout the pregnancy and birth. I did Mehndi – Hindu Henna Art – on my belly with the Sagittarius sigil inside a Sun. It is your Zodiac Sign. My belly got suntanned and now I have an imprint of the sigil on my skin …hihihi… after henna washed off. Cuddles my Honeybunch. I love you.
August 17th, 2003, Saturday
I went to visit my friend Ingrid in Belleville for the weekend and guess what happened? On my way there I have got your cradle in the little town of Brighton. I have been looking for the antique cradle for you for months without any luck until today. It has a beautiful history. It has been hand-made by French Canadian Pioneers in the end of 19th century, without use of any nails, and all the children in this family I have got the cradle from, had slept in it for generations. I am so happy that you will sleep in such a beautiful rocking bed filled with dreams of all the previous babies… I will fill your cradle with special mattress filled with buckwheat shells and throw a sheep skin on top of it, so that you have a healthy and natural sleeping quarters. You should have seen me in my little car with open hutch-back and cradle sticking out of it all the way to Toronto. Oh boy, I was a sight all right… I was too glad to mind it though.
August 24th, 2003, Sunday
Today, I went to Manitoulin Island for a little holiday. I brought you to my Native Indian friends… Anishnabe People… I feel you moving inside me all the time now. Once more I needed to visit all the spiritual places on the Reserves – they are very healing to me, especially Silver Birch Reserve with the Dreamers Rock, where the Eagles fly over your head, the Wind blows through your hair and your eyes are fed with such beauty of the surrounding landscape that you just cry from happiness to be part of such enormous sacredness… The lakes, forests, streams, animals, birds, smiles of kind people and sounds of drumbeat are making you feel calm, wholesome, accepting and open to different way of looking at the world and yourself in it. I love you Sunshine… I wish for you to be such Warrior with the gentle Spirit within - emphatic, sharing, forgiving yet brave in following your ideas and wise in actions that you will take to pursue your dreams…
One of the lessons I would like to pass onto you, I have learned right here on Manitoulin Island from the Elders in West Bay during the Pow-Wow gathering. It concerns our Planet and this is what Natives teach their children:
“Take care of Our Mother Earth the best you can, because we have this land in a safekeeping for the future generations… The Earth belongs not to us, but to our unborn children. We have to give it to them in a better standing that we have got it from our parents.”
September 3rd, 2003, Wednesday
Hi, My Little One,
Today you have been very excited- your heart rate during the check-up was 160. You are growing beautifully. I am considering having you born at HOME. I feel that home birth will suit both of us. Somehow, I cannot imagine being in the hospital in one of the most magical moments for the mother and child. I love you…
September 4th, 2003, Thursday
Hey Sweetheart, you have kicked so hard this evening that I could actually see your little feet pummeling the bottom of my belly! It made me laugh to see the imprints of your tiny toes and heels… Blessed Be!
September 8th, 2003, Monday
Oh, You Little Monkey! I woke up around midnight because I felt you moving around- you have been so busy stretching so much that I could see your head, elbow or knee protruding through the skin of my abdomen. Wow! It sure was a wonderful sight… I love you…
September 9th, 2003, Tuesday
Hi Baby…
Tonight I had a visit from an artist painter. She came to our home to do a photography session of the “Pregnant Me”. She will paint a portrait of your expecting mommy. The Mother Goddess… I feel so beautiful while carrying you inside, glowing with the gentle light of inner magic… I am so happy that it is visible through and through my whole being. Hugs and kisses my Honey-bunch…
September 10th, 2003, Wednesday
“Tonight, I celebrate my love for you…” Tonight is very special for both of us My Little One. Full Moon and the Belly Blessing Ceremony… It’s the women’s magic in a Wiccan Coven. I will write more about it when I come back.
We have been blessed by good wishes of all the women present and given protective amulet for good health of the baby and mother. It will help us to be safe during the rest of the pregnancy and delivery time. I felt the presence of the Providence - the energies of the Four Directions and Nature forces were also present during the magic circle. The atmosphere were unique and this rite of passage sacred. I know that all will be well. You have been conceived from love, surrounded by love and protected by loving energies of the feminine.
September 23rd, 2003, Tuesday
Hi My Dearest One,
Our first Yoga class awaits us tonight. I figured that it will prepare me better for birthing than anything else. I think you will enjoy it as much as I.
September 24th, 2003, Wednesday
This evening I went to my Belly Dance class. I love dancing and find it the best exercise. We have certainly relaxed and listen to some good Egyptian Belly Dance music and drumming. You moved inside my belly as well. I think that this type of dance is deeply spiritual and amazingly feminine. Gives us power over our own bodies and helps to achieve fluidity of the body movements. Mmmmm… I look forward to the next class… Love You, Mommy.
September 30th, 2003, Tuesday
Ah, My Little One, you have been moving so much for the past month. It’s tiring but makes me smile. Not long and I’ll see these kicking extremities of yours. I wonder if you have more than two of these. It sure feels like so…Ugh…you start at it again… Maybe I’ll have some herbal tea to lull you into resting.
October 1st, 2003, Wednesday
And the new month started. Only 11 more weeks and I will hold you in my arms. It’s so hard to wait for this moment. We had our check-up today and you are growing beautifully well and I’m getting beautifully huge!!! Jeezzz, at this rate I will be like an Elephantess. But that’s all right. But you sure like all kinds of berries and cherries. Good thing that the grocery stores are importing them past the season… Yummy…
October 5th, 2003, Sunday
Hi, Little Treasure, I have noticed Linea Negra appearing vertically on my tummy. You are growing with such a speed that my stomach muscles are separating as well. My body is producing more melanin pigment that is responsible for creating this line. It looks so funny… Oh, Mama, I wonder what other surprises await me. By the way, I didn’t expect the woman’s body to be so amazingly accommodating when it comes to hosting another life. It’s truly a learning experience and never-ending wonder.
Linea Negra has a myth associated with it as well. It's an old wife’s tale, that if the Linea Negra stops at the belly button, the woman is having a girl, and if it goes all the way to the bottom of the rib cage then a woman is having a boy. I have a full Linea Negra...My Son...
October 11th, 2003, Saturday
We had wild and joyful afternoon today. My girlfriends came over and we had a Belly Cast Party. My maternal belly and breasts have been captured in a cast. Even our cat, Aphrodity, came to see what we do. And when the cast was ready, she went under it while the belly cast was drying. Messy work, but very satisfying. After that, one of my friends, Sunita, did henna art on our hands and feet and we had a fruit and veggie feast. Also, as a surprise for me, Opal Dunbar – the painter, brought my “Pregnant Mother” portrait that is a full size in length painting. It’s breathtaking. I love you Sunshine… It so good to carry you under my heart. Your Mommy.
October 14th, 2003, Tuesday
Hi Baby, I went for a check-up this morning and guess what! You are in the perfect position for the birth. Your head is down, your body vertical, heartbeat rate in 150’s in 31st week of your life. You also showed your rambunctious personality by giving big and healthy kicks during examination. I love you so much! Mommy.
October 24th, 2003, Friday
Hello My Little One, we went for the ultrasound today. You are so big - 5 lbs and 1oz with strong body. The blood supply in your umbilical cord is also good. I have seen your face, your little hands were trying to reach your nose. I have great photographs of your face and the whole persona. Kisses, mommy.
October 25th, 2003, Saturday
Hi Sweetums, I had a dream about you. I saw your face, hair, eyes and the scene of your diaper change… hmm… Now I know for sure that you are a boy. Mother’s dream are foretelling. I have been waiting for this dream. I’s been said that dreams like that often happen about a short time before birthing…
October 29th, 2003, Wednesday
Oh, My Troublemaker… Another check-up. My uterus, and your home for 33.5 weeks, measures 34 cm. You are growing stronger and bigger. Your head is really down and low. Your back is on my left side and legs/feet to the right. And you are moving constantly. Love you!
October 31st, 2003, Friday
It’s HALLOWEEN! We went to Marion’s for the party. What a night. I have dressed in my Witch Costume. I used to laugh that this is the only day of the year that I show my true nature. So, mote it be!
I cannot wait to carve your first pumpkin with you next year at this time. It’s a very special night. When the line between worlds of different dimension is so thin that the beings could move in between the worlds. Night when all is possible… Night with magic all around… I love you my Little Elf.
November 10th, 2003, Monday
Well, well, you have dropped today. It is called “lightening”. I felt practice contractions almost the whole day today. Your daddy visited me today. I missed him and wish sometimes that he would spend more time with us. However, such is life… No one can hold onto another person against that someone’s wish and will. You will understand one day this simple truth. If you really love somebody, sometimes you have to let him go…
November 13th, 2003, Thursday
Hi Sweetheart, our visit with the midwifes confirmed that you dropped down. Your head is engaged in my pelvis in 3/5th and I have Braxton-Hicks practice contractions. It is the 36th week of the pregnancy and the uterus measures 36 cm as well. Four more weeks and you’ll be born, maybe even sooner. Although I have your birth date pegged at the 13th of December. I heard your heart beat. Your dad is making a change table and a cradle mattress for you. I am preparing our home for your coming… I love you, mommy.
November 15th, 2003 Saturday
Troublemaker you are all right… You are growing so much and moving so ferociously that my poor abdomen hurts and ligaments expand rapidly. Wow, I really thought that I’m in labour pains. I went to Willow today and she gave me Lapis Lazuli ring to wear – it should keep me from birthing to early. We had read in the cards that you will come on or few days after the full moon, anytime between 8th and 14th of December. I can hardly wait… I am so ready for you, My Little One. Hugs and kisses…
November 18th, 2003, Tuesday
Hi Sweetheart, you are ready to be born. After your check-up today, I am ready for the Home Birth. We discussed all the details with the midwives, and I am preparing our home for this long expected event. In about three weeks I will hold you in my arms… I was thinking about giving birth in the assistance of the dolphins, but it was not possible at this time in my life, however, Marion brought the biggest poster of the dolphin she could find and the soundtrack with the sounds of their voices. I’m pretty sure it will keep me calm and focused on labor and will ease the contraction pains. I have prepared massage oils, calming incense, and all kinds of relaxation techniques I can use to make your birthing as natural and memorable as possible…
November 28th, 2003, Friday
Hi Baby, we had a home visit from our midwife, Sarah Leslie. You are growing… My uterus is 38 cm at 38th week of pregnancy. I have heard your heart rate with the Doppler – 156 per minute and I have noticed that I have a supply of your super-food, colostrum, in my breasts already. So you see, Mother Nature also cares for your coming and makes your mommy ready to feed you… I love you…
November 29th, 2003, Saturday
Tonight I had a Belly Dance recital at Ambrosia Restaurant. Both of us, you in my belly and I performed Egyptian Dance for all the invited people. It was my dance class performance. The art of belly dancing is very ancient and wonderfully feminine. Your daddy was there as well among the guests to watch me dance… a rare moment suspended in time… And the November goes away…
December 2nd, 2003, Tuesday
Hi Sweetums…We had a check-up today with another midwife Esther. You must have hid your head very deep, because she couldn’t find it in my pelvis. I had to go for another ultrasound to make sure you are not presenting the breach position. I was so worried for a while, because home birth is not possible in case of breach. There is only a cesarean section left in such eventuality. But the fear has big eyes, as they say, and everything proved all right.Your head is down where it should be and you are ready to be born. Blessed be! Ah, and you know what? You are approximately 7.5 lbs… hmm, two more weeks… I wonder how big you will be then… Love, mommy.
December 10th, 2003, Wednesday
Hello My Little Love… Your daddy comes today to bring the mattress for your cradle and the change table that he made himself from pine wood. I am expecting your arrival any day now. I’m massaging my tummy with sweet almond and geranium oils and do my Yoga breathing exercises. Please, come to me… Your new world and I are waiting for you… Mommy.
December 11th, 2003, Thursday
Your heartbeat is 134 per minute… Our midwives are checking on us constantly. It is cold outside, but I asked your daddy to take me walking in the park. It helps to walk before the delivery.
Oh, my… I started labour today…
I called Marion. She came and checked me and said it’s a false alarm… I was too happy and smiley for the real thing. She was right, as it proved to be something else, a little pleasure gift from you…
December 12th, 2003, Friday
Hi My Sunshine… I really thought my waters broke, but it wasn’t it. However, I am already dilating and effacing nicely. I have some contractions preparing me for what’s coming. Soon, my Little One, I’ll hold you close to my heart, touch your soft hair, kiss every little finger and these cute toes of yours, experience the joy of breastfeeding and just look at your big trusting eyes for the first time seeing your mommy… Till tomorrow…
December 13th, 2003, Saturday
Glorious Day… Your Birthday…
Ziemko, you have been born at 3:35 in the afternoon in incredible bright sunshine of a perfect December day… Just as I predicted. You and I were a perfect team during the labour. Your weight was 8.9 lbs and you were 52 cm long. Giving Birth was an exhilaratingly powerful experience and I managed to do it naturally and in synch with my mind, body and soul. Pure Womanly Magic…
I am grateful and thankful to all my friends helping in making my pregnancy and birthing unforgettable… We had never-ending support of the Creator.
You have been born at home filled with strong love energies… You have brought blessings and joy to my heart. I love you My Son… Mommy.
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